The minute I moved out of my "cozy" little dorm in the city, I entered a world that not even a "One Tree Hill" producer would air on television because it's just too screwy for teenager soap opera standards.
I'm back in the western suburb, Glen Ellyn, and let me tell you there can be nowhere else in Illinois that irritates my gag reflex more. Lets review the events happening in the first episode of Suburban Hell: Glen Ellyn, from most "normal" to least "normal" for a college kid coming home for summer in The Glen.
1. Summer Job
2. Summer Lovin'
3. I am asked to do multiple things around the house that makes one believe that there is NO way that the family functioned when I wasn't here.
4. A thick stream of consistent complaining pours from my big "trucker mouth" that I miss being at school and just want some privacy.
5. I've got family members making multiple comments to the extra "college" weight. The comments have the effect of lowering my self esteem from 1 to -5 on a 10 point scale (I go to art school).
6. Somehow getting dragged into other peoples shitty relationship problems which in turn makes me worry about my own even though, seemingly: nothing is wrong.
7. Crazy Christian woman living in a 1 person bedroom apartment in Wheaton is actually just another middle aged hypocritical bible banger who happens to also be a mary-jane loving, excess beer drinking, mother of 3 who I'm supposed to call my mother. But what really gets me is that there should not be hippies in Wheaton! Let alone hippie mothers in Wheaton...bring that shit to Naperville.
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