smooth perfection?

Smooth Perfection
      For the only one.
   

what's this? she asked. eyes widened.
(a marble in a pile of small dull stones)

reaching her hand, her nose wrinkles, her palms get dusted with the
dry powder covering the rocks
pull our the smooth aqua sphere
she whispers to it, "you don't belong there silly"

sitting on the curb
          her fingers play with the marble
as she thinks about who would drop something so lovely
into something so flat

she feels a small chip with the tip of her fingernail
oh, what's this?
(an indentation interrupting the marble's smooth perfection"

analyzing its soft opaqueness
veiling its elegance
          she realized:
          maybe the marble put itself among the rocks
furrowing her brow, she breathes in and
softly sings a lullaby to relax the marble's
shattered composure

          "come with me darling
                     down that gravel road
            come with me darling
                     forget your failures
                     leave your veil
            come with me
                     and defy this town"

-Noel Tijerina

Well the thing is...

...I think you should put a tampon in and get over yourself.

Brunette to Blonde.

Wow, so this was a ride. I've done it before, but what I want was achieved a lot easier than the first time, (trust me, you don't want to know). 

BRUNETTE ME. 

FIRST BLEACHING, CHILLING IN MY HAIR

AFTER FIRST BLEACHING WITH 40 VOLUME DEVELOPER, ORANGE!

AFTER SECOND BLEACHING WITH 20 VOL. DEVELOPER
READY TO TONE WITH WELLA T18 WHITE LADY

BLONDE. 

Theatrical Adventures: Gee family! I sure love being back from college for the Summer.

The minute I moved out of my "cozy" little dorm in the city, I entered a world that not even a "One Tree Hill" producer would air on television because it's just too screwy for teenager soap opera standards.
I'm back in the western suburb, Glen Ellyn, and let me tell you there can be nowhere else in Illinois that irritates my gag reflex more. Lets review the events happening in the first episode of Suburban Hell: Glen Ellyn, from most "normal" to least "normal" for a college kid coming home for summer in The Glen.

1. Summer Job
2. Summer Lovin'
3. I am asked to do multiple things around the house that makes one believe that there is NO way that the family functioned when I wasn't here.
4. A thick stream of consistent complaining pours from my big "trucker mouth" that I miss being at school and just want some privacy.
5. I've got family members making multiple comments to the extra "college" weight. The comments have the effect of lowering my self esteem from 1 to -5 on a 10 point scale (I go to art school).
6. Somehow getting dragged into other peoples shitty relationship problems which in turn makes me worry about my own even though, seemingly: nothing is wrong.
7. Crazy Christian woman living in a 1 person bedroom apartment in Wheaton is actually just another middle aged hypocritical bible banger who happens to also be a mary-jane loving, excess beer drinking, mother of 3 who I'm supposed to call my mother. But what really gets me is that there should not be hippies in Wheaton! Let alone hippie mothers in Wheaton...bring that shit to Naperville.

Might as well try this....

I'll give you the best of me.

REFLECTIONS ON A SKYLINE

I want to play hide and seek, give you my clothes, tell you I love your shoes, sit on the steps when you take a bath

massage your neck, and kiss your face, and hold your hand ,and go for a walk

not mind when you eat my food

and go to Rudy's and talk about the day

talk about your day

and laugh, laugh at your

your paranoia.

I give you tapes you don't listen to.

Watch great films.

Watch terrible films.

and tell you about the TV program I saw before and not laugh at your jokes.

I want you in the morning

but let you sleep in for a while

tell you how much I love your

your eyes

your lips

your neck

your tits

your ass

sit on the steps smoking till your neighbors come home

sit on the steps smoking until you come home

and worry when you're

late, and be amazed when you're early

I give you sunflowers

and go to your party and dance

be sorry when I'm wrong

and happy...when you forgive me

look at your photos

wish I'd known you forever

hearing your voice

in my ear

feel your skin

on my skin

and get scared when you're angry

I tell you you're gorgeous

and hug you when you're anxious

and hold you when you're hurt

I want you when I smell you

don't want to offend you when I touch you

whimper

when I'm next to you

whimper when i'm not

dribble on your breast

smother you in the night, and get cold when you take the blanket

and hot when you don't

melt when you smile

dissolve when you laugh

but not understand how you think I'm rejecting you

when I'm not rejecting you

and wonder how you can think that

I'm ever rejecting you

and wonder...wonder who you are

but I accept you anyway

and tell you about the tree angel

the enchanted forest boy

who flew across the ocean

because he loved you

I buy you presents you don't want

and take them way again

ask you to marry me

you say no again

but keep on asking because

you think I don't mean it

but I always have from the first time I asked you

I wander the city thinking

it's empty without you

but I want what you want

and think I'm losing myself

but but but

I'll tell you the worst of me

and try

to give you the best of me

because

you don't deserve any less.

answer your questions when I'd rather not

and tell you the truth

when I really don't want to

and try to be honest

because I know you prefer it

you think it's all over

but hang on for just ten more minutes

before you throw me out of your life

forget who I am and let me try and get closer to you

and somehow

somehow

somehow, communicate some of the overwhelming

undying

overpowering

unconditional

all encompassing

heart enriching

mind expanding

ongoing

never ending

love...I have for you.

dear holden,

Holden,

i see you in him-
won’t let go of the filthy red cap that he’s had forever
let you try it on once, took it back a minute later

i see you in the calm composure of a seemingly heroic boy
who wouldn’t think twice while he exaggerates every last one of his stories
he is the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life

i see you in the “slacker” from high school-
hopelessly brilliant-wouldn’t waste a real minute on what he feels is useless

i see you in me
when i watch girls sucking dick for another shot-
calling them a phony i turn around and justify myself
doing the exact same thing
because you gotta do stuff like that to survive in this world

did your brother DB ever regain his dignity in your eyes-
after selling himself on the streets of
hollywood
giving up The Secret Goldfish-
like it didn’t mean anything to you

i want to know everything
about the rest of your life

did you have a child
with a woman you could never truly accept because
she sold her soul to typing reports at a law firm about cases that she didn’t agree on

did you feel anger for Phoebe in the 60’s when
hippies pranced around with their herb and crumby displays of affection,
that went a little below where they should have

did you confront the guy three lockers down when
you knew he was the one who took your slacks at the gym,
or were you just as yellow as you were
when you realized some crook swiped your fur-lined gloves at pencey

junior year english class anger spilled through the cracks of my teeth as
i stood by your emotions
debated against my peers who didn’t understand why you lied,
and complained throughout each chapter of salinger’s brilliance


it’s not enough-
especially for folks who scoff at you and say-
“in one hundred years kids will read that book and he will still be the same whiny fifteen year old bitch”

i can’t say you don’t complain, but I understand why
there will never be a moment when I don’t analyze people
based upon my opinions
of the things you think
and of the things that you do

upon my last seconds
my lips will yell four words
at the top of my goddamned voice-
“sleep tight, ya morons!”